Breaking Down Her Walls Read online

  “Were you married or…” Julia’s voice trails off when she notices Elena’s hands and her white knuckles from gripping the wheel a little tighter.

  “Not necessarily.”

  Julia watches Elena’s eyes behind her sunglasses.

  “Artificial insemination,” Elena says.

  “Oh, I got you. You just wanted a baby.”

  Elena smiles. “Well, we both did.”

  “Your boyfriend at the time?”

  “Girlfriend,” Elena says as she glances over at Julia and shrugs.

  Julia’s heart clenches in her chest. “Oh.” Elena Bennett likes girls?

  “She was hit by a drunk driver. We all were. It was late.” Elena shakes her head. Julia feels her stomach fall. “It was raining, and the guy ran a red light. Cole was a toddler. He wasn’t hurt, thank God. But they couldn’t save her.”

  “What was her name?” Julia whispers.

  “Gloria.”

  Julia hears Elena’s voice crack, and, before she realizes what she’s doing, she reaches over to place her hand on Elena’s arm. Her warm skin feels so nice under Julia’s hand. “I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault.” Elena quickly wipes a stray tear from behind her sunglasses; she clears her throat. “So, we moved back, Cole and me. And my father taught me the business. The rest is history.”

  “So,” Julia says after letting a few moments of silence pass. She is trying to not seem shocked, even though she really is.

  “It’s general knowledge, just so you know. It’s just not talked about.”

  “What isn’t?”

  “Me. My past. Cole knows about his other mother. It’s not a secret.”

  After hearing all of this, Julia wants to know more. So, so, so much more. She feels the urge to start talking, ask questions, find out as much as she can about this fascinating woman. Were her parents okay with this? Is everyone else okay with it? How has she handled this all so well? Maybe it hasn’t been so well… Julia blinks, breathes, and smiles before saying, “Thank you for sharing with me, though. Contrary to popular opinion, I don’t gossip. I don’t like it when people gossip about me, so I don’t do it about other people.”

  “How chivalrous of you.” Elena’s smile is soft and kind when she flashes it at Julia, and for some ridiculous reason, Julia feels it in her throat.

  “So, your turn,” Elena says through a breath. “What did you do before you came to Colorado?”

  Julia looks away from Elena and out the truck window. “I don’t think you’d believe me if I told you,” she says, her breath making a puff of condensation on the window.

  “You think you’re going to get out of talking to me that easily, eh?”

  Julia smiles, still looking out the window. “Yes.”

  “Maybe one day you’ll tell me.” Elena glances over at Julia. “I’m not going to push you,” she says before she looks back at the road.

  “Thanks.” Julia feels herself wanting to talk, wanting to tell Elena everything. About her birth parents and how horrible the foster system was and how she still has nightmares about the sound of metal bars clanging shut. It doesn’t make sense to her, either. Why does she want to open up to Elena? She literally just started talking to her. She may not hate Julia, but there is no way Julia is going to mess that up and overstep boundaries. She doesn’t share things, she doesn’t share herself, and she certainly isn’t going to start sharing with Elena Bennett. Especially when Julia isn’t sure where she stands. And also, because she may just ruin everything.

  * * *

  Pulling up to the dude ranch in Winter Park is oddly similar to pulling onto the Bennett Ranch. Large house, big barn, and a large, circular horse corral. The only difference is this place has fifteen small cabins instead of just the one like the Bennett Ranch.

  “They rent those out to tourists. You can learn to ride here.” Elena pulls into a parking spot. “Very lucrative business.”

  Julia eyes the workers as they all file out of the barn to greet them. “So, what do we do?”

  “We meet the horse, get her into the trailer, then leave.”

  “That’s it?”

  Elena chuckles. “Yes, that’s it.”

  Julia takes a few breaths as she opens her door and slides out of the truck cab. She walks over toward Elena, who now has her straw cowboy hat pulled down on her head. “How old is that thing?” Julia asks with a laugh. The hat looks like it’s seen better days.

  “Old.” Elena looks at Julia as she puts on her ratty, fitted baseball cap. “How old is that?” She motions to the Cubs hat while handing Julia a lead rope.

  “Old,” Julia replies, smiling and lifting an eyebrow.

  “Elena!” a young man shouts. He’s dressed pretty much identical to every other cowboy Julia has seen except he’s very clean. His shirt has been starched to the point that it looks like there’s a hanger still inside it. And his brown cowboy hat looks like it’s brand new. “You’re right on schedule!”

  “Jerry.” Elena holds out her hand for him to shake but is instead pulled into a giant hug.

  “You look splendid,” Jerry says as he releases Elena. His accent is very strong, but it’s British, which is throwing Julia off something fierce. “Are you holding up all right? I heard what happened.” His voice is filled with sympathy. Julia wants to know so badly what he’s talking about.

  “I’m surviving. Thank you for asking.” Elena motions to Julia, “This is my newest ranch hand, Julia Finch. The horse is for her.”

  “Hi,” Julia says as she slips her hands in her back pockets.

  “Cowboys either shake hands or hug,” Jerry says, holding his hand out. “You decide.”

  Julia widens her eyes as she looks from Jerry to Elena and back to Jerry. She throws her hand out, and he grabs it, then pulls her into a hug anyway.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Julia!” Jerry shouts as he picks her up. Julia shrieks, and he laughs as he sets her down. “Now, let’s go see this mare.”

  “What the hell? Did he just pick me up?” Julia straightens her shirt and adjusts her hat, completely flustered.

  “You need to settle down. He’s very important and is giving me a phenomenal deal.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m excited and nervous and ugh, I don’t even know. And I don’t like being picked up,” Julia says as she leans into Elena’s space.

  “It’s natural to be excited and scared,” Jerry says over his shoulder. “You’re getting ready to meet an animal that could kill you if you don’t know what you’re doing.”

  “Jerry!” Elena shouts.

  “Well, Elena, tell me I’m wrong.” Jerry turns around and takes a few steps while walking backward. “Of course, horses have been known to sacrifice their lives for their owner, as well.”

  Elena rolls her eyes, then looks at Julia. “That’s actually what he should lead with when making a sales pitch.”

  Julia talks herself down from the anxiety attack that is looming on the horizon as they round the barn and continue to walk toward a giant, open field. There’s a lone horse about fifty yards in, standing in the middle of the wildflowers, sun shining on its coat, which is a very light brown. The tail and mane are jet black. “Whoa.”

  Elena folds her arms across her chest and nods toward the horse. “She’s a buckskin.”

  “What’s her name?”

  “Leia,” Jerry says, stepping up onto the bottom rung of the fence that surrounds the field. He folds his arms and props them on the top rung. All the rest of the workers mimic him. “She’s four, completely trained, and one of the most beautiful, well-mannered horses we’ve ever had. She’s going to be great to learn on.”

  Julia can’t take her eyes from the horse. Her mouth is hanging slightly open, and her heartbeat is racing. She really is excited, and for the first time in forever, she feels like maybe she won’t fuck this up. “Leia. Like from Star Wars?”

  Elena and Jerry chuckle as he resp
onds with a nod.

  “Can I go meet her?”

  Elena’s face is filled with joy as she nods at Jerry. “What do you think, Jer?”

  “Yes, go on in. She’ll be fine.”

  “Are you coming with me?” Julia’s eyes are still glued to the horse.

  “No,” Elena says. “This is an important moment. You need to do this on your own.” She walks over to the gate with Julia and lays her hand on Julia’s forearm. “Don’t be scared. I saw you with Jazz the first time. And the other day with Scout and Sully. You are a natural with these animals. They understand you. And you understand them. So, don’t even worry about it, okay?”

  Julia takes her eyes from the horse and looks at Elena finally. “You were watching that first time with Jazz?”

  Elena shrugs, clicks open the latch on the gate, and hands Julia a feed bag with grain inside. “Good luck,” she says softly as Julia walks through, taking the bag with her. “Don’t rush it. Let the horse come to you. I know it’s tempting to rush it, but you simply cannot. Walk out there, find an area—”

  “And wait. Right. I got it.” Julia bends her head to each side, cracks her neck, and takes a deep breath. “Let her come to me.”

  After Elena closes the gate behind her, she steps onto the bottom rung of the wooden fence and watches intently. “Take your time,” Elena says, and Julia nods.

  Julia can feel Jerry’s and Elena’s eyes watching her. She doesn’t want to screw up. She knows from the limited research she’s done while at the ranch that this bonding moment is so special between a rider and a horse. She needs for this to go well, but she also doesn’t want to spook the horse. She is standing completely still about twenty feet from Leia now. The horse’s ears are perked, but she doesn’t look nervous. Well, not as nervous as Julia still feels. Julia finds a cleared spot in the wildflowers and she kneels down. The moisture from the ground seeps into her jeans. She can smell the wet grass, the sweetness from the flowers. It’s amazing how alert she is in this moment. The buzzing of the flies, the chirping of nearby birds, the gentle whir of the power lines, it’s all music to her ears. Leia is watching with a careful eye. Julia can read the nervous curiosity on this horse’s face, and as Julia relaxes, waiting patiently, the horse starts to move. Leia takes a few steps, stops, flips her tail to swat the flies away, then continues on the journey. It takes a bit more patience on Julia’s part with the hot sun beating down on her. The sweat is running down her neck, but she knows this is all worth it.

  Finally, Leia is within a couple feet of Julia. “Hi there, Leia,” Julia says as she watches the horse’s movements and smiles when the horse takes another step toward her. “Good girl.” She can barely hide her excitement when the horse takes five more steps and is standing directly in front of her. Still on her knees, Julia reaches up when the horse bends her head down to get Julia’s scent. Her soft muzzle on Julia’s hand are enough for Julia to instantly fall in love with this animal. Julia empties some grain into her hand and holds it out for Leia, who hungrily starts to eat. “Hi,” Julia whispers, her voice soft and low. “You’re my girl now, hmm? Think you can handle that?” The horse perks her ears and then, as if she has been around Julia forever, slides her head underneath Julia’s forearm and nudges her. And before she can stop herself, Julia is crying.

  She has never even had a pet before, let alone a horse, and now she has this most perfect animal. Julia reaches up to wipe her eyes and nose. “Let’s go, Leia,” Julia says as she clips the lead rope she had over her shoulder to the halter, stands, and slowly starts to walk back. When she gets closer, she realizes that she’s not the only person crying. Elena’s sunglasses are pushed up onto her head, and her eyes are wet with tears. She has her hand on her heart and a smile on her lips. And Julia can’t help but smile back.

  * * *

  The two women are silent when they get back into the cab of the truck after loading Leia into the trailer. And this time, the silence feels just right. The AM radio station is playing music from the 70s now instead of constant talk about stock prices. Julia feels her fingers start to drum away to the ABBA tune until she hears soft singing coming from Elena’s side of the cab. “You like ABBA?”

  “Uh, yes. This is my generation’s music. Why are you so shocked?”

  “Because I figured you only listened to country and western music.”

  Elena sighs. “You honestly have so many stereotypes about cowboys.”

  “Oh, really? That’s definitely the pot calling the kettle black.” Julia laughs. “You know you judged me immediately when you found out I wasn’t a certified cowgirl.”

  “Actually, no, I didn’t.”

  “Lies!” Julia points her right index finger at Elena. “You are totally lying right now.”

  “I didn’t judge you because you weren’t a cowgirl. I judged you because I didn’t know what to think about you.” Elena glances at Julia. “There. Happy?”

  “At least you admit that you judged me. But why did you before you even had a chance to get to know me?”

  “Because.” Elena shrugs. “But I am trying to get past all that. Aren’t I?”

  “I don’t know. Are you?” Julia leans her head on the headrest. She watches Elena, the way her left fingertips are feeling the leather wrap on the steering wheel. Julia’s mind wanders and before she knows it, she’s imagining Elena’s fingers roaming over her breasts and stomach. Her thoughts are interrupted by Elena clearing her throat.

  “Yes, I am.” Elena’s tone is firm. “I promise.”

  “Good.” Julia smirks. “But all you people listen to is country music, and that’s a fact.” Elena laughs a deep, hearty, sexy laugh, and Julia’s heart lodges itself into her throat. “What?” she asks with an air of shock.

  “Miss Finch, I don’t even like country music.”

  “Don’t you think you could start calling me Julia?”

  “Not going to happen.” Elena’s response is quick. “My number one rule is that I have to keep it professional with my staff.”

  “You have never called Elijah ‘Mr. Williams’ in my presence.” Julia has made sure to listen, if for no other reason than to have something to be angry about. “Just for the record, I wouldn’t mind if you dropped the whole Miss Finch thing. It’s not like calling me by my first name is going to change the fact that you still think I’m an idiot.”

  “We’ll see,” Elena says softly. Julia sees the smile Elena is trying to hide, though.

  “I’ll still call you Miss Bennett, of course.” Julia sits upright and at attention. “I mean, I’m not saying I would disrespect you.”

  “You can stop trying to explain yourself.”

  “Okay.” Julia can feel the heat in her cheeks, which makes her so uncomfortable. She’s not exactly used to feeling so nervous and jumpy around another person. She’s normally cool, composed, full of confidence. But Elena…She makes Julia forget how to breathe, how to communicate, and how to not sound like a fool. Silence once more falls between them as the sun gets ready to dip behind the mountains. Julia glances at the clock and for the first time realizes that they’ve actually been gone most of the day, and she is starving. “How much longer?”

  Elena looks down at the clock, then back at the road. “About two hours. Have something you need to get back to?”

  “Oh, yeah, hot date with my couch.” Julia’s words are iced with sarcasm. “I’m starving. Can we stop at the next town and eat something?”

  “There’s a town about ten miles ahead. We can find something there.”

  “Thank God. I’m wasting away over here.” Julia sees Elena crack a smile, which pleases Julia in a way she still can’t understand. But whatever it is, she’s starting to like it.

  Chapter Six

  Julia doesn’t know what to expect from a restaurant called the Cowboy Corral, but it doesn’t sound appetizing. Elena assures her it will be fine, but Julia is still skeptical.

  The menu has a little bit of everything, from salads to burgers t
o Salisbury steak, and the “famous Cowboy Corral Rocky Mountain Oysters,” which Julia has no idea about so steers clear immediately. The restaurant itself reminds her of the little ma-and-pop shops in some of the neighborhoods in Chicago except, of course, for the name. The bright fluorescent lighting and booth seats that are in bad need of reupholstering are just a couple of the reasons why.

  When the grilled cheese sandwich and French fries she orders gets delivered and she takes her first bite, she decides she was very wrong to place judgment just because of the name. “Jesus, this is amazing,” she says around a mouthful of sandwich. It is made with two pieces of thick-cut, homemade bread with, according to the menu, fresh cheese from the dairy farm in the next town over. And the fries! Julia can’t get over how good the French fries are.

  “I told you,” Elena offers before she slides a forkful of salad into her mouth.

  “I don’t know whether I’m starving, or it’s just that amazing.” Julia takes another bite and washes it down with her root beer. “Either way, it’s hitting all the spots.”

  “All of them, hmm?”

  “Yes, every single one.”

  “Has anyone ever told you that you eat like a child?” Elena asks, eyeing the way Julia is leaning over her basket of fries and grilled cheese.

  “Yes, I’ve been told that before. But thank you for pointing it out again. Maybe if you hadn’t starved me today, I’d be a little more refined.”

  “I have a hard time believing that food is a magic elixir for you acting like a lady.”

  “Hey, I can act like a lady.”

  “Oh, really?”

  “Yes, before this I used to wear dresses and heels, and I can even walk in them. So, to me, that’s pretty ladylike. Not everyone can walk in heels.”

  “Are you finally going to tell me what you used to do?” Elena’s eyebrows are raised, and she’s leaning forward in the booth.