Breaking Down Her Walls Read online

  “When I was a little girl, my pappy used to take me up in the mountains with my brothers and teach them all how to shoot,” Agnes says, eyeing Julia over her rickety glasses. “One day, there was a bear that came close to attacking us all. My pappy started teaching me that night how to shoot to help protect our family.” Agnes raises her voice a bit over the engine of the truck. “If you ever come visit, you’ll see that bear’s skin hanging above my mantel.”

  Julia’s eyes are wide. “Holy shit,” she says. “That’s crazy.”

  “I’ve seen it, Julia. That bear was huge. Bigger than the one we saw that one day,” Cole says, his hands and arms shooting outward, depicting the size of the pelt. “It had to have been as big as this truck.”

  “It wasn’t that big,” Agnes says, a twinkle to her eye.

  The bartender, whose name is Benjamin, is riding Scout and has made his way alongside Julia now. He’s been slowly creeping closer and closer, and even though Julia is not interested, he seems like a nice enough guy; he may actually be friend material. He latches on, asking her tons of questions that she dodges expertly. He’s definitely full of stories, and after about the tenth one, Julia realizes that he isn’t shutting up. It’s starting to annoy her because as he rambles on and on about his years as a traveling rodeo star, all she can see is Penn trying to weasel her way in with Elena at the front of the line. And Julia’s jealousy is driving her absolutely insane.

  After the group has slowed the pace to give the horses a break, Benjamin asks, “What’s going on there, love? You jealous, or you just dislike that woman as much as the rest of us?”

  “Is it that obvious?”

  “That you dislike her or that you’re jealous?” Benjamin smiles. “Because I definitely think you’re jealous.”

  “Oh, for shit’s sake, I am not jealous. I am annoyed. Clearly. You don’t even know me. How would you know if I’m jealous or not?”

  Benjamin pulls the reins on Scout and clicks his tongue. “You realize I know what it looks like to pine after someone you’ll never get?”

  “Of course. Because bartenders always fall for their regulars, don’t they?”

  A guffaw comes out of Benjamin’s mouth, and he winks. “The regulars fall for me, love. You should know that.”

  Julia rolls her eyes. “Yeah, well, I’m not a regular.”

  “Yet.”

  “Ever,” Julia adds and points at him. “I’m sure this dashing scoundrel routine works with other girls, but it’s not really doing much for me.”

  “It’s not, is it.” His sentence isn’t a question as much as it is a statement. “Partly why I know you’ve got a thing for Elena. Which is fine, and definitely hot, but love, you’re letting that scoundrel woo her, and believe me, Elena is seconds away from forgiving her.”

  Julia looks toward the front of the riding party. Elena is listening to something Penn is saying, and she’s smiling, and dammit, Benjamin may have a point. The feeling that is absolutely not jealousy flares in her chest. “Not today,” Julia says softly as she spurs Leia to a gallop and steers toward the front of the group. When she gets close to Elena and Penn, Elena’s attention immediately turns to Julia.

  “Hi,” Elena says as Julia rides up. Her entire face lights up, and it’s enough to throw some water on Julia’s smoldering jealousy. “How’s it going back there?”

  “Good,” Julia replies. “Wanted to come say hi. See how the front of the line looks.”

  “Better now,” Elena says quietly. “I mean, don’t get me wrong; I’m glad you’re learning from Elijah, but it’s nice to see you.”

  A smile spreads across Julia’s face, and she instantly feels stupid for being so worried. “I’m glad I came up here, then.”

  “Yeah, well, Mr. Rodeo was talking your ear off. I’m sure it’s nice to get away.”

  “It’s definitely a very fitting nickname.”

  “Oh, yeah.” Elena echoes Julia’s laughter. “I see he told you his life story.”

  “Yes, he did.” Julia looks over at Elena, at her hat pushed up a bit on her forehead, the sun shining on her cheeks and nose. Julia can’t help but be taken back by how absolutely gorgeous she looks in that moment. It’s amazing to her that after all of these days, Elena’s beauty still has the ability to take her breath away. “You’re in your element out here, aren’t you?”

  Elena closes her eyes and turns her face toward the sun. “It’s moments like these that make me happy I’m still here. Still alive,” she replies. When she opens her eyes, she adjusts the reins in her hands and smooths a hand down Samwise’s neck.

  “I’m really happy my car broke down here,” Julia says. And the best part is that she’s actually telling the truth. “Like, really happy.”

  Elena looks at Julia and moves her hand to push her hat back on her head. “Yeah, well, that makes two of us.”

  Julia hears Penn scoff from her horse on the other side of Elena, and she leans back to look at her. “Everything okay over there?”

  “Oh, sure, just watching the show,” Penn mumbles, rolling her eyes.

  Elena turns to look at Penn. “What show?”

  “Nothing,” Penn says, shaking her head. She shouts, “Yah!” at Sully, and the horse takes off toward the ridge.

  Julia lets out a breath and tries not to pump her fists in the air in victory.

  Julia, 1

  Penn, 0

  * * *

  Julia quickly observes that herding cattle is not so much a job as it is an art. Elena, Elijah, and yes, even Penn, move together like they’ve been doing this for years. It’s amazing how they know exactly where to go and how to move the giant animals without even touching them. Julia learns a lot about horse placement and why certain people will ride on each side of the cattle on the way back to the house. She learns about flight zones and how each flight zone has a point of balance. This is where you can move the cattle without really trying by being in their peripheral vision; being behind the point of balance moves the cattle forward; being in front will stop them. She stays alongside Elijah and listens intently when he tells her how it’s the biggest and one of the most important jobs to bring up the rear of the herd and make sure there are no stragglers. He tells her that he wants her to be that person today because the best way to learn is to sink or swim.

  She hates that saying. She’s never been a fan of swimming, and to say she’s nervous is an understatement. But she’s getting the hang of this herding thing, and she’s impressing herself.

  Julia knows how important this all is. She remembers the speech Elena gave her after the bear incident all too well. In fact, it’s the first thing Julia thinks about every time she starts her day. This is a real job. This isn’t just something to do to occupy her time. Or until she decides to take off again.

  Although the longer she stays, the more those roots she talked about putting down look tempting. It’s weird how easy it has been settling into everything. Even riding horses seems to come naturally to her, which obviously scared her at first. Julia doesn’t do familiar. She doesn’t do safe and easy. It means she’s getting attached.

  Julia watches Elijah as he turns Jazz to look toward the back of the herd. He’s in front about a hundred yards. He told her to keep her eyes on him because he’d be leading the herd. Everything would start and stop with him. She sees him raise his cowboy hat in the air and wave it back and forth as if to ask if everything is good. She mimics his signal and waves her baseball cap in the air. Julia totally gets now why cowboy hats are definitely more helpful.

  * * *

  Arriving back at the ranch at the end of the line is pretty hectic. There are people everywhere as the cattle are moved into the corral a few at a time from the pasture.

  Julia rides toward the corral and dismounts from Leia. Caroline hurries up to Julia with grain for the horse and tells her that she’ll take care of Leia, and everything is under control. “You need to get in there. Elijah’s ready for you.”

  “Thanks, Carol
ine!” Julia moves away quickly toward Elijah. “Okay, where do you want me?” She claps and rubs her hands together eagerly.

  Elijah smiles and pulls Julia by the arm into the corral. “You get to handle the vaccinations,” he says, a crazed look in his eye. “It’s not hard, but you gotta be tough, so are you ready?”

  “It’s now or never, right?” She follows Elijah over to a long chute hooked to one side of the corral.

  “Okay, the calves come in this way.” Elijah signals toward the end of the chute that’s inside the corral. “The gate closes, keeping them semi-restrained—”

  “Does it hurt them?” Julia asks, her eyes wide.

  Elijah shakes his head. “Not at all,” he says. “Once the gate is closed, you give the vaccination with this injection gun, right behind the shoulder. Come with me and watch.”

  Julia does as she’s told, following Elijah to a space on the side of the chute where there’s room to stand. Ed is on the other side of the chute, and he shoos a young calf inside. Elijah administers the shot with ease, then unlocks the gate so the animal can leave, running into the pasture where the chute’s exit is located. It’s over and done with fairly quickly, and Julia just looks at Elijah and says, “That’s it?”

  “That’s it. Think you can handle it?”

  “Absolutely,” she says and takes the vaccination gun from Elijah. “Okay, Ed, let’s do this!” The determination on Julia’s face is equal to the nervousness in her body, especially when she sees Ed start leading calf after calf into the chute. Julia struggles at first, fighting with the vaccination gun, then missing the side of the animal and shooting the liquid everywhere but where it needs to go. She’s starting to get more and more frustrated when all of a sudden, it all starts clicking. After about the twelfth head of cattle, Julia finally gets the hang of what she’s doing. She’s feeling pretty good about herself, too. Maybe she really is cut out for this ranch hand business. Even though everyone thinks she’s just some dumb City Girl. She’s proving all of those haters wrong. Yeah!

  Just as Julia is finishing her internal pep talk, one of the females gets into the chute, and a loud noise goes off, startling the animal. She springs free from the chute like a horse out of the racing gate, and unfortunately, the ruckus and thrashing on the chute ends up pushing Julia down in the process. Julia is thrown airborne for a second, hits the dirt square on her back with a thud, and knocks the wind clean out of her.

  Ed climbs the wall of the corral and is next to Julia in the blink of an eye. “Julia!” he shouts. “Are you okay?”

  Julia tries to sit up and starts coughing. “Holy,” she breathes deep, a string of coughing again, “Shit!” she finishes, another string of coughs following. “That hurt like a son of a bitch!”

  Ed laughs as he helps Julia up. “Yeah, that happened to me the first time I helped, too. It’s not fun—that’s for sure!”

  She dusts her face off and adjusts her baseball cap. “Let’s try again,” Julia says, watching the escapee as it eyes them from inside the corral. She does a quick scan for Elena and can’t find her anywhere at the moment. Julia thanks God that Elena didn’t see her totally fall on her ass.

  After multiple attempts, two more head of crazy cattle, three refills on the injection gun, and a good hundred or so curse words, Ed and Julia are finally successful and get all of the calves vaccinated.

  Ed makes his way over the fence again and walks over to Julia. He hands her his handkerchief and smiles. “You are a mess, my friend.”

  Julia wipes her face off, then hands the cloth back to Ed. “That was crazy.”

  “You handled yourself well.” Ed stuffs the cloth into his back pocket.

  “Yeah, sure, if you call being beat up by a baby cow well.” Julia rolls her eyes.

  “Oh, I’m sure Elena approved,” Ed says.

  “She wasn’t even over here. She’s been over with Penn branding the calves.” Her words come out a lot more accusatory than she was intending, so she backtracks with, “I mean, I think that’s where she’s been, right?”

  A smile spreads across Ed’s face, and he adjusts his dark-framed glasses. “She was watching you from across the way, Julia,” he says softly. “And that hasn’t happened in a very long time.”

  Julia feels her pulse quicken. “Nah, she is always watching her staff.”

  “Not like that she isn’t.” Ed puts his hand on Julia’s shoulder and squeezes. “Not in a very, very, very long time. Not since…” His voice trails off, and he looks over at Elena.

  “Yeah, yeah,” Julia says. “Not since Penn. I know.” She is letting Penn piss her off left and right, and honestly, it’s starting to grate on her last fucking nerve.

  “Oh, Julia. I don’t mean Penn,” he says. “I mean Gloria.”

  Julia’s pulse that has been going nuts since the start of this conversation seems to almost stop when she hears Ed say that name. “What?” she says, dumbfounded.

  “So, you’ve heard about her?”

  Julia continues to stare at Ed, at his kind eyes.

  “Let’s just say,” he says, glancing over at Elena as she works to brand the calves, “I knew her before. I knew her when she was in Miami with Gloria. I’ve been in her life for a very long time. And even throughout everything that went on with Penn, Elena’s heart has always only beat for two things.” Ed looks back at Julia. “Her son and Gloria. So, I don’t know what your story is, Julia Finch, or what your plan is, but this woman? Ever since losing Gloria and then her parents? Her plan has always been to merely survive. And now?”

  Julia feels a lump start to grow in her throat.

  “Now, it looks like, for the first time in a long time, she’s not just surviving. She’s living.” Ed takes a couple steps away from Julia and looks over his shoulder, “Come on, City Girl. Let’s go help the rest of the crew.”

  Julia huffs at the usage of the nickname. “What the hell? I was actually starting to like you,” she says as she takes a few fast steps to catch up with Ed.

  * * *

  The day ends up going very smoothly. The branding, vaccinations, and de-wormer injections go off without a hitch. Julia feels very successful considering that it was her first time helping. She knows her body is going to feel it in the morning, but as they all sit around the fire enjoying s’mores and beer while Elijah plays guitar and sings campfire songs, she feels absolutely no pain whatsoever.

  Toni is sitting next to her on a big blanket, leaning against a log made into a makeshift bench. Ed and Scooter and his friends are all lined up next to Caroline. They’re singing “Rocky Mountain High” like they’ve been in a band together forever, and it’s definitely one of the best nights Julia can remember.

  “City Girl!” Benjamin shouts from across the fire. He is leaning against another makeshift wooden bench. Agnes is sitting next to him, and he’s inebriated. Highly.

  Julia lets out a sigh and nudges Toni, rolling her eyes when Toni looks at her. “What?” Julia shouts back. She braces herself for whatever his drunk ass is going to say next.

  “You got your cherry broke today,” he slurs. “How’d you like it, love?”

  All Julia can hear is a loud whack and then Benjamin saying, “Ow!” before she can answer.

  “Julia, forgive this buffoon,” Agnes says, her voice low. “That was uncalled for, you scoundrel.”

  “Damn,” Benjamin says while rubbing his arm. “I was just teasing her.”

  “Cole is right there,” Agnes says, pointing at Cole, who just came outside. “Don’t be so vulgar in front of him.”

  Cole sits next to Julia. “What happened?” he asks, his voice low.

  “Don’t worry about it,” she says, leaning into his shoulder. She looks over and can tell something is wrong. “What’s going on? You okay?”

  He shakes his head, keeping his eyes on the fire. “Nothing,” he mumbles. “Just done with her being here.”

  Julia has a feeling that when she asks, “Who?” he is going to answer with, “Penn,
” but she still holds her breath and hopes.

  Cole looks at her, his mouth held in a way that looks so much like Elena it’s startling. “Who do you think?”

  Toni leans in then and says, “Julia isn’t that bad, Cole, geesh.”

  Julia’s mouth falls open, and Cole starts to laugh. “Thanks, Toni,” Cole says softly. “I needed that laugh.”

  “Anytime, little man,” Toni replies, reaching around Julia to mess up Cole’s dark hair.

  “I’m sorry,” Julia whispers. She nudges Cole with her shoulder. She watches as he nods, takes a deep breath, and then looks at her.

  “I don’t want her to take Penn back.”

  Those words make Julia’s stomach plummet. Her mouth goes dry, and she blinks three times before saying, “What?”

  “They’re in the house now. Penn’s talking to Mom. Begging her for forgiveness.” Cole looks back at the fire, a sigh escaping from his lungs. “I don’t understand my mom at all.”

  “Women are hard to understand,” Julia whispers. “But people do crazy things when…” She wants to say when “they’re in love,” but the idea of Elena still being in love with Penn is too much of a gut check to even mention. “When they’re not thinking straight,” Julia says as she lifts her arm and drapes it over his shoulders, pulling him into her side. It feels fitting that Elijah would pick right now to start singing Van Morrison’s “Brown Eyed Girl.”

  “Here,” Toni says as she stands and starts toasting a marshmallow. “This will make you feel better, Cole. S’mores always make me feel better.”

  Julia lets out a snort. “It does help,” she says, watching Toni make the s’more like an expert. She hands the completed masterpiece over to Cole, and he laughs.

  “I’m sure this will do the trick,” he says before he takes a huge bite.